At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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