Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
