just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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