I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
