My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I got inside last night via doggy door
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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