and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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