I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
