I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
