I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think your dad took our porno
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
