You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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