We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
