The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
