Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
