Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
