So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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