paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
