I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
