I think my fart just growled at me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
