Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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