Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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