Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
