thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
