also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your cock deserves a montage
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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