You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
