I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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