i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
