ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
