my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
