Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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