So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm too high and old for this...
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