You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
