Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
