Already got asked if we're dating
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
