you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
