people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
