So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
