This girl is more easily done than said...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
