this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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