The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
