Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
