Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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