if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
