My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I know her cup size but not her name....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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