She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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