we have pet lesbian snakes
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was confusing and full of hummus
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
