YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
