im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
