super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
