It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
