oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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