You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
