I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
