I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
