Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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