i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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