and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
