respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
